I’ve never been killed by hitmen. So I don’t know what its like in the moments just before you’re killed by hitmen. But I bet its not unlike when you’re on the subway and you realize a mariachi band is about to start playing. -John Mulaney
I’m having trouble starting this one. Every time the doors close on a subway and someone starts to say “Ladies and Gentleman” and its not the train PA I know I’m not going to be able to keep reading and I’m going to feel a modicum of guilt on some level. I probably hate this form of subway theater the least, but I live in constant fear of being kicked in the head. I also feel some compulsive urge to not look, I know I’m not going to be giving anyone money at the end of the act because lets face it I live here too and I have no money.